In case you’ve missed it, I haven’t exactly updated my blog faithfully recently. Part of it has to do with my current schedule, being completely overloaded at work, and always having a zillion things on my mind – but part of it has to do with fear, both rational and irrational.
When I look at my post count for the last month, I feel fear in many different forms: fear that I’ll never have inspiration to blog again, fear that this will just become one more blog that I’ve started and then ultimately abandoned, fear that no one will read anymore because I never post anymore. But then when I sit down to try to actually write a post to add to that post count, I feel more fear: fear that my words don’t matter, fear that no one is reading anyway, fear that I’ll never do this blogging thing right – whatever “right” means!
Tonight, though, I choose to ignore the fears. I choose to ignore the nagging doubts that tell me I’ll never have “good” inspiration to blog again. I choose to ignore the idea that every post has to be perfect before I can share it. I choose to ignore.
After some helpful and timely encouragement from my husband, we walked around the corner to one of our town’s “fancy” grocery stores for their Friday night wine and cheese tasting. Our shadows had already lengthened, but the sun was still shining when we left our house, and I breathed in the fresh air, grateful for the opportunity to be outside and enjoy the world.
We walked into Nugget and saw the regulars already gathered around the tables in the cafeteria, greeting one another and talking and laughing amongst themselves. One older man, a sharp-witted white-haired fellow probably in his 70′s, greeted us and introduced himself as he made his rounds, even though we had met him before and knew his name was Jack. “I’m buying tonight!” He grinned at us. “So get whatever you like!” He clapped Austin on the shoulder as if they’re old friends and winked at me before he walked away to the next table.
I swirled my wine glass, sniffed the fragrant red blend that ended up being my favorite of the night – bold and strong, Austin declared, but not spicy. “It’s… grapey!” he finally exclaimed. We tasted two types of cheese, one paired with the white wines and one with the reds, and I love experiencing the way the flavors bounce around the palette, complementing each other in such delicious ways. I crushed the soft cheese in my mouth, enjoying the crumbling texture and amazed at how a tiny piece skewered with a toothpick could explode with such flavor on my tastebuds.
I snapped a photo of Austin’s wine glass and tasty treats as we sat at our table, and afterward I realized why I wanted to capture that moment. Because the whole outing – the walk, the fresh air, the tasting, the time spent with my husband – had reminded me that when the going gets rough with my writing, this is what I need to do. Throw myself with energy and enthusiasm into LIFE itself – don’t give in to the fear and the sense of uselessness, but embrace the beautiful everyday that is always before me, without fail, and simply keep my eyes open.
If I’m really paying attention, I know the ideas will come.